Key to Success: How to Build Confidence in Children.

A recent poll amongst adults showed that when it came to confidence, the vast majority of us “faked it till we made it”. This goes to show, just like any other skill, confidence builds through practise. Here are 10 things you can do to actively build confidence in your child and prepare them for great progress and success.

1. Challenge them frequently

Building a child’s confidence requires you to set high but achievable expectations for them in different areas of their life. At home, in school and even in their own free time. It is easy to assume that your child knows wholeheartedly that you believe they can do brilliantly in anything and achieve great things, but it is important to communicate this by giving them small challenges where possible. These challenges give them an opportunity to show what they can do and impress you, therefore impressing themselves. This can start at any age but the younger the better. Challenges can range from memorising poems, reading a certain number of books a day, baking a cupcake, getting a certain score on their next school report, learning how to play a song or anything you can think of to turn into any exciting challenge for them. Every challenge they master helps to boost their confidence for a lifetime.

2.Discuss family history and culture

Our own confidence as adults is rooted in a deep understanding of ourselves. This level of self-awareness, self-love and acceptance can take years to build and a lot of us are in the full bloom of adulthood before we get there. Proactively teaching your children about their culture and history from a young age helps them to build their identity and find security quicker. Teaching them about their heritage whilst also having an understanding of how other people may be different allows your child to be confident in who they are and not be shaken or made insecure by the differences of others.

3.Track progress and celebrate achievements

Your child’s memory will not be as great as yours at first, so it is important to record their achievements for them. Keep their certificates, badges, trophies, positive letters and celebratory pictures in a place they can quickly access it. Whether it’s a video of their first steps, their first day at nursery, a positive letter home or their GCSE results, having these tokens of success provides them a sense of achievement that is supported with evidence, convincing them of their worth, their talents and therefore boosting their confidence. It is sometimes very easy for children and even adults to forget how great they are and how far they have come.

4.Take part in a competitive sport

Winning boosts confidence for a moment, but training and witnessing your own growth as an athlete boosts your confidence for life. Learning how to play a sport really well, particularly a sport that is competitive and relies on a team is one of the best ways to ensure that your child’s confidence continues to grow. Even if you are not particularly into any sport yourself, try to expose your child to as many different types of sports as you can until they find something they really enjoy.

5.Develop a creative skill - Piano, Dance or Drawing

Most of us are not aware of our talents until someone challenges us or encourages to try something new. Most people cannot play the piano at their first attempt, but with repeated exposure, lessons and practise, we learn and improve. This process builds confidence across all areas of our lives and is a skill we can use to express ourselves when we are most in doubt. Giving your child this opportunity to learn something for their own creative expression will help them learn how to cultivate their own happiness and therefore build their confidence.

6. Create a success based routine

A daily and weekly routine is a positive thing to have in anyone’s life, but children benefit from this the most as it provides them the security of predictability. Routines are typically around sleep times, meal times, free times and chores - but carving out a time, maybe once a week, to discuss personal targets, goals and achievements to celebrate small successes allows your child to continue to have a growth mindset. This allows the development of positive thought patterns that are crucial to building good confidence. Negative thought patterns can easily lead to low self esteem so it is important to challenge them frequently.

7. Normalise asking for help

Showing confidence in children and asking for help with small tasks can go a long way in building their self esteem. It shows that you trust them to do a great job and also that they can ask for help too if ever they are in need. Asking for help takes courage for a lot of people, often due to not wanting to be seen as weak or incapable. But ensuring that your child sees asking for help as a route to improving and doing better for themselves will help them in the long run, particularly in the classroom.

8. Provide a “feelings” vocabulary

We often don’t express ourselves because we don’t have the words to describe how we feel or what we think. This is even worse for children who have a limited vocabulary and may not feel confident that those around them will be able to understand and meet their needs. They can resort to expressing their needs in different or negative ways which might lead to a further knock on their confidence. Providing your child a list of different feelings and what they mean might help them communicate better. The better they are at communicating their needs, the more likely their needs will be met and the more confident they feel in themselves.

9. Step out of your family comfort zone

Try new things together as a family, whether it’s a new trip, a new game, a new puzzle, camping - whatever it may be, take on a challenge together. Give your children an opportunity to see how you react to a challenge, give them an opportunity to learn something new along with you.

10. Find a Tutor or Learning Mentor

A learning mentor or private tutor can help your child in specific areas of their school work and academic journey. Sometimes we can get everything right but for whatever reason, a child may struggle with a particular topic or range of topics. Having an online tutor is a targeted approach to building their confidence in that key area and helps to boost their progress in school.